What the F*** Did I Learn This Year?

So much. So much, that I’ll never be able to encapsulate it here, but I’m still going to make a little list of highlights for the hell of it.

That our country is lost. 

I mean, I will probably never get over the shock of Donald Trump “winning” the election. But.

It’s important to remember that our country is lost because people are lost, and when people are lost, it is our job not to beat their fucking asses because they’re lost, but to take their arm, gently, and guide them, in whatever way works best for them (*trial and error required) towards love. We will NEVER be unified without love for every person — every last asshole. I know that is scary and seems not fucking fair and not right, but it’s true. Love unifies. Hate and fear divide and they divide with IRON FENCES. They must be melted down. With love.

That our self-image informs how other people see us. 

I knew this one before, but never so deeply. Do your very best to see yourself as valid, worthy and even awesome. Because everyone around you is picking up what you’re throwing down. Show them you are gold. And they will only see your sheen.

That I’m not a great mom, and I’m not a shit mom. 

I’m just a person. Who now has a child. One that hits the dog and doesn’t eat anything except crackers and challenges every last bit of my sanity and decency and yet has completely softened me. I am a person who is trying to be a ‘mom’ — whatever the f*** that means, and there in lies the problem. Oliver will become who he becomes partly by way of the person he is, and partly by way of the person I am (and Nic duh). I need to kill the mom guilt, the mom definitions. Or I will doom us both.

That my privilege – and my disadvantages – have informed every stance I have.

TRY TO REMEMBER THAT THIS IS THE SAME FOR ALL.

Empathy, Empathy, Empathy.

That I am one happy motherfucker.

Sometimes, I think, maybe I was always this happy, and sometimes I think, no I think it has increased and is situational and sometimes I think I should stop thinking about it. I am SO HAPPY. So, SO happy. The other day I heard a girl say how much she wanted to slap really happy people across the face and I almost turned around and slapped her in the face and then I realized the irony of that and just said, ‘I really like  happy people’ and let it go.

I am so scared to be in the world every day — and I am so grateful to be in the world every day — and that is the deal. That is the gist from this past year and for all the future ones. We are so lucky to be here. Love. Love everybody. Try to find the things that make you happy. You will beam when you do and some people will hate you, but most people will love you.

 

wow. I intended this list to be funny.

happy new year.

 

 

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